Cremains at Home

I was at a friend’s house and shock of shocks, I saw that they kept the urn containing the cremated remains of their dad at their altar. We got into a rather lengthy debate with them about this. Who is right?

 

First of all, the technical term for cremated remains these days is “cremains” and interment of ashes is “inurnment.”

That aside, on to your question. I’ve seen many people do this. Strictly speaking, if one is Catholic, the teaching to this day is a proper burial of all the cremains of a person, all together, in an appropriate place of burial, which is a cemetery, a memorial park, an ossuary, crypt, or a church. They should not be scattered, whether on land or at sea. Obviously, one’s altar or mantelpiece is none of the above.

I’ve seen some people keep cremains on their altar but mostly either for only their first year of mourning or until the actual place of burial is completed. I’ve also seen some keep them for years. I have seen ashes lovingly scattered on land and on sea. I have seen nearly every possibility in my vast experience and who am I to judge when I can clearly see that they do so to lovingly honor their dead?

I know of someone who kept the cremains of her child under a large tree in her property for years. What finally convinced her to bury the urn among her relatives at the family plot elsewhere was the very insightful advice of a priest.

He said that the living should be among the living and the dead should be among the dead. Why? Well, if we do not learn to move on, how can we expect our loved one to move on? We do not want to be the cause of our loved one being unable to rest in peace. That promptly encouraged her to move on. And move on, she did.

Although her property had been in the family for years, it was no longer convenient nor practical for her to maintain, specially since the house itself was quite large and the property even more. But once she finally buried the cremains, she was inspired to sell the house and property and build her dream house in a smaller property. She was more than happy with her decision and could not imagine having done so if her child’s cremains had still been on the property.

 

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