Violent Deaths

My brother was murdered and I spared all my family members the pain of seeing him before he was embalmed. Was I right?

In the past, it was more commonplace to spare the family from the gory details of one’s violent or tragic death. More often than not, it was more acceptable for the relatives of victims of murder, accidents, or an individuals who have taken his or her own life, to not be shown details of the gruesome scene. It was considered to be more harmful to them.

But recent findings have shown otherwise. They conducted several studies where the victims were later shown photos of their loved one right after the moment of death and before clean-up began. Their reactions were all surprisingly the same: “Is that all?”

And here’s why. Our imaginations are usually more vivid than the truth. Seeing all the gory details triggers something in us that starts to accept that that the loved one has died for certain. But not seeing the gruesome scene at all makes us conjure up all sorts of vivid things in our mind, many of which may be gross exaggerations of what actually is the truth.

Let me illustrate, when Senator Ninoy Aquino was murdered in 1983, his remains lay in state complete with powder burns, gunshot wound on the chin, and bloodied jacket. Can anyone dispute that he actually died? Probably not. Reality has set in. Is this the way we’ll always remember him? Probably not. We most likely remember him as he appears on the 500 peso bill. Why? Because our bodies and spirits have begun to heal and has filtered out most of the bad memories.

Now fast forward to 2009. Did any of us see Princess Diana’s body? No. Are we certain she has actually died? On the surface we all do. But deep inside, are we certain? None of us really know for sure do we? Although we mourned like the rest of the world, a part of us, deep within our psyche still thinks she is off somewhere secret with Dodi Al Fayed living privately away from the public eye.

If your relatives are in poor health that showing them the gory details would be more detrimental to them, then I suggest you spare them the gruesome scene. But if in all honestly you really think they would be able to handle it, then do not deprive them of this sad but powerful event in the healing process.

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