When I pass away, I want the casket to be closed and then afterwards I also want to be cremated immediately. How can I be sure this is carried out?
Honestly? You won’t. It isn’t really up to you.
Now that I’ve scared you and gotten you to hound your loved ones with threats of disowning them or haunting them, here’s something to think about.
One of the first things they taught us pros ( during my Celebrant Training at Worsham College of Mortuary Science in Chicago ) is that the worst thing you can do for your loved ones is to have yourself hidden and cremated immediately. Why? Because your loved ones will have difficulty moving on.
The initial shock of death, even if it is forthcoming and expected, is precisely that: a shock. When your loved ones are in shock, they goes through the whole process of denial, sadness, etc., But not all at once, and in quite a gradual process. Surely, not completely within a few hours of your death.
It takes a while for our bodies and spirits to get used to the fact that one has physically lost a loved one. It has been several months since my brother's sudden death, and I'm still not over it. There are days I wake up and can't believe he's gone.
The reality of seeing a loved one’s remains lying in state actually starts the healing that happens in the grieving process. You get to shed tears that need to be shed. It is easier for reality to sink in. Try weeping over a cold bronze urn. It isn’t easy, although it is quite possible too. A tremendous effort though.
When my grandmother died at the ripe old age of 101, my cousin who took care of her insisted that the casket be closed. Why? Well, she had always taken great care about her appearance in life, but by this time, she was really gaunt and after her stroke and not putting on her dentures, her face was grotesquely lop-sided. She would have been really mad at us if people saw her like this. But I assured my cousin that I was going to have her restored anyway, just in case, someone wanted to take a look inside.
I instructed the embalmer to call me inside once she was completely prepared, clothed in her camisole, but before she was cosmetically made-up. I went inside and supervised, having the sunken areas in her face injected with restoration fluid. Three times, I had a good cry that I had to excuse myself and turn away. Why?
Because every time they injected her face, a decade or two would suddenly slip away and she was slowly turning into a younger version of herself. In the end, she looked like herself again, albeit a thinner version. Later on, we dressed her in a beautiful gown which looked so vintage, she actually looked like a queen.
When my cousins came in to see, they all insisted that the casket be open for viewing. She would have been really mad at us if people didn’t see how beautiful she was at 101. And she was indeed.
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